


Sad

by orphan_account



Category: Ao no Exorcist | Blue Exorcist, 青の 祓魔師 エクソシスト
Genre: Angst, Angst and Tragedy, Depression, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Rejection, Sad, Sad Ending, possible daddy issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:09:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24353395
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Rin's final thoughts about 'that night' before he jumps. - I know the title's peak but just hear me out plz
Comments: 6
Kudos: 52





	Sad

I sat at the edge of the roof, staring down at the children in the nearby neighbourhood playing peacefully, yes, _peacefully_ ; the word I missed so much, the word I didn't take advantage of when I still had the time. I could've taken advantage of it but I didn't and that's what counts, I was too naive, too stupid, I thought life would always be so colourful, so stress-free, so tranquil, but all good things have to come to an end and I learnt that no sooner than when Amaimon decided to hurt my friends that night. Well, my _ex-friends_ , because I'm pretty sure they wanted nothing to do with me after that night, let alone be my friend, especially after the night I almost killed most of them.

I don't even know what got into me that night, I just _snapped_ , it was like something just got inside of me, telling me to kill, telling me that this was my true nature, telling me that this was who I was. The only thing I could remember afterwards was the disappointed and scared looks on my classmate's faces, the ringing of the voice in my head, the voice that started that shitshow... but most importantly I could remember the faint glow of those blue flames, the flames that screamed 'Satan's spawn' no matter how hard I tried to deny it. In the end those flames always brought me back to square one, accepting who I was, but every time, every time I tried, I could never come clean to myself that this _thing_ was who I was and there was no running back from it because I knew every time I tried, it'd just come back ten times stronger than the last time.

That night, I did what I did because I didn't want anyone to get hurt, maybe my classmates didn't but one person did, _me_. I knew they'd be scared upon seeing my flames but I thought that they'd forgive me after they realised that I used them for good, that I used those flames to save them. But miracles don't happen do they? Why would they forgive me after seeing my flames? After seeing the same flames used to kill millions of people, the same flames used to hurt their loved ones. I was so stupid, so _trusting_ just like an infant who eventually needs to learn his lesson, in a way I guess you could say it was my time to learn my lesson. The lesson that would teach me to think before I act, not the other way round.

I stood up at the edge of the roof, the brink of death.

Maybe, just maybe I could've made things right right afterwards, but it was too late for that now, the horror story had already ended and I was the monster, everyone knows the monster _always_ gets what they deserve. Maybe my life was like that too, my classmates were the high-born heroes of the story and I was the literal devil himself, made on a whim. I mean, after all it was partly true, the monster always suffers a terrible fate and I'm getting my ass handed to myself but instead of someone noble and brave doing it, it'll be someone hated and weak for a change.

I looked down, the ground almost too far away from me to see, all it'd take would be a step, one step forward and I'll be gone, hopefully forever, it'd fix all my mistakes, everything I ever did wrong would be turned back right. Shiemi wouldn't have to walk with her head down, fearing what would happen if she looked at me the wrong way. The Kyoto trio would finally be able to sleep, knowing I wasn't about to have another outburst. Yukio would finally be able to teach his class in peace, not having to stress out about me not doing my work and always sleeping in class. Shura would have time to herself at last, not having to stay up with me all night just to light some stupid candles. Poka brows and Paku could finally stop stressing about some low-level demons coming after them again to get through to me. Mephisto... well... Mephisto's Mephisto, that damn clown probably wouldn't care anyway and anyways wouldn't he be able to visit me in hell anyway because I knew sure as hell that that was where I was going. Kuro... maybe Kuro would grief for a bit but he'd get over it. I felt selfish really, I felt selfish that I'd be taking away Kuro's happiness, even if it was for a bit. But I had to do what I had to do, to make the world a better and safer place for everyone; I knew suicide was contagious but would a cat commit suicide over me? Hell, would a cat commit suicide at all?

I slid my foot off the roof, ready to walk off like it was a walk in the park but then something stopped me, something I thought I'd hear for a last time when I walked out of class today, a voice, a loud, clear and broken voice.

"Please Rin, step away from the edge, we can talk this out together," I turned around to see Yukio, alongside my classmates, Shura and the poor cat. I was so lost in my thoughts I didn't even hear them approaching, if I had done, I wouldn't put off the jump for so long, I'd jump the second I heard even the slightest creak. I could see the faint tears rolling down everyone's cheeks, apart from Izumo's and Kuro's.

"I'm sorry, I love all of you," I said, quietly but loud enough for everyone to hear. I then took a step backwards and let gravity do the rest of the dirty work.

As I was falling every thing appeared to be in slow motion, the only thing I could hear was the distorted screams coming from above me and the sound of the birds chirping, trees shuddering as the whistling wind poked through them like a needle pokes through fabric. I could hear the life underneath me, the life above me, the life all around me. For the first time ever I'd experienced life, I'd experienced something other than plain boring chatters and murmurs I'd hear every day while walking past, I'd looked at the world around me, that I'd never paid attention to before, in a different way. I looked up at the roof I had fallen from, only to see everyone leaning over, looking at me for what felt like an eternity but it was actually no more than a split second. I smiled, remembering all the good memories I had before they found out, talk about life flashing before your eyes.

"Thank you for making my last moments on this earth so special," I spoke softly as my body hit the cold, rough ground underneath me. I knew nobody heard me but I didn't care, the only thing I cared about right now is that I could finally sleep with the fact that I wouldn't be hurting anyone else.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in like 10 seconds I might add a part 2 erm let me know if you want one?? also constructive criticism is always appreciated but don't go too hard on me since English isn't my first language :3 Also I'm sorry for any spelling mistakes I low-key can't spell and overall I'm just a really bad writer lmao.


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